Keeping Count

Scoring Mechanisms: For every negative, I'm going to make it positives. And the positives, I'm just going to keep on truckin'!

[-] It is blustering and absolutely frigid right now. Seriously, weather? This morning it was 50 degrees. Now, you're snowing.
[+] This morning it was 50 degrees. I wore a dress. I got a parking space close to school. I started this Tuesday of Workshop Warriors (I teach for about 3.5 straight hours on Tuesday with the same group of kids) really well. And maintained momentum despite some frightening news.

[-] Irregular pap smear (which seriously, gynocology, you couldn't come up with anything better than smear? What am I, a bagel? Do I look like cream cheese?... speaking of which, unexpected [+] is strawberry cream cheese from Enstein's Bagels. I've stopped there twice this week to eat it!) which was really difficult to deal with. I know it happens all the time and is most likely nothing but the last thing I need is cancer.
[+] However, people were really supportive. Not only my partner-teacher (the woman who shares my room, LM) who watched my kids so I could make a follow-up appointment and allow me five minutes in the bathroom to cry but also CA (as always!) and S. My dad too. You know, the usual suspects.

[-] Angry parent email, telling me that I don't know the first thing about teaching. What's that Lincoln quote? You can't please them all, all of the time.
[+] I didn't let it bother me. I talked about this amazing thesis-drafting process with my principal, to help students get a better grip on what they need to be doing with writing papers. So, nope, I'm a good teacher!

[-] CA is working late most of this week.
[+] I'm dealing with it much better than the last time things got busy. I know what to expect now, and after our wonderful weekend, how could I not be thrilled with him?

[+] Despite the weather, I had a really productive shopping trip with S to Costco. I own more Simpsons episodes than I could watch in a week or two or even three AND I got new towels etc. for my bathroom.
[+] "You Shall Know Our Velocity" is an excellent book.
[+] No school on Friday!!!
[+] Thursday at the Evanston library with the 8th graders, working on thesis stuff.
[+] Talked to EW on the phone for two hours last night and received a wonderful card from her today. It made me feel good to know that there is still familiarity in the world.

The weekends are always wonderful. Yesterday, after driving back from the 'burbs, I changed clothes and (because the weather was so incredibly perfect), C and I went to Watertower and to other places in the area to shop, look at books and drink enough coffee to make us entirely too jittery. Shopping with him is relaxing and fun--there are stores we enter together and other places that we keep to ourselves.

An Example:
CA: Let's go to Banana Republic.
AXR: No!
CA: Okay, you wait outside.
AXR: This is a trick; you know how much I desire this store.
CA: Then come in.

CA: How high is your credit limit here? They just raised mine.
AXR: Let's not talk about it; I pretty much only buy clothes from here.
CA: That's why you don't wear patterns.

To smite him, I purchased a dress with patterns. Granted, it's red and black but whatever, it's a pattern. AXR: +1.

Then there are stores where we split up.
CA: I want to go look in the Oakley store. Maybe I can find you goggles.
AXR: I'm not wearing goggles, shut up. I'm going to buy lipstick.

AXR: Lipstick is a depreciating asset.
CA: Yup.
AXR: So are ski goggles.
CA: Touche.

We walk around for hours, purchasing clothes, drinking entirely too much coffee and CA trying to force some banana pudding into my body. He compliments me on my outfit (popped collar and all) and we head to the bookstore. He and I wandered the store together for almost two hours. It might have been the happiest I have been thus far in the new year. I purchased "What is the What," "High Fidelity" (because he and I watched the movie on Thursday and I fell in love), and "Norwegien Wood" (another Makurimai book). We return home, lie about together and then go to Quartino's for dinner. It's a wine bar and Italian "tapas" which was PERFECT. I even ordered dessert which never happens. We go home, play guitar hero and he attempts to teach me tennis on the Xbox360. I'm learning--albeit slowly. Eventually, we realize it's extremely late and go to bed, talking. Eventually, I tell him what a good day I had and he confirms the fact. I feel so good knowing that his body is even near my body.

For a while, as S had put it, it was like he was in a war--but we're really settling into knowing each other and having time to spend with each other. I've talked to him about valuing my time and he's understanding of it.

Now if only I could get my school life to correspond to my home life. Things there are hectic, but I think I'll make it through. Before the time we go on break, there's field trips and so much more. I'm looking forward to it immensely.
It's looking like this
January 31: Payday, spend all day at the library with 8th graders
Feb 1: conference dinner
February 6: Field Museum field trip
February 9: Skiing in Wisconsin
February 10: Super-freaking-bowl!
February 11: No school for me since the 5th and 8th graders BOTH have field trips I'm not going on
February 14: Not allowed to celebrate Valentine's Day
February 15: Head table for Shabbat Lunch and then IMMEDIATELY leave for TAHOE!!!!
February 19: Return from Tahoe (hopefully without broken bones)
February 21: Go to Michigan to see SAI!!!!

Good. Times. Kids. Now, I am going to go to sleep/read "You Shall Know Our Velocity." I like that there are times when most of the things that are important to me align. S and I just need to watch some American Gladiators and all will be well.

Try it, You'll Like it!

Not going to be a chicken shit.

Going here and going skiing February 15-19 with C! I am actually really excited. It's time I started trying stuff.

Things I have tried (and liked) since January 2007
1. Meat (now, I dream in cheeseburgers)
2. Cheese (I have stopped worrying so much about being fat--and have been losing weight!)
3. cream in my coffee (only on occasion--sometimes it makes it too cold)
4. passionate acts (:
5. having a job (although sometimes having a job is not as awesome as I would like it to be...)
6. functional relationships--friendship and dating
7. sake
8. guitar hero (check out the songs they have--it's amazing, really)
9. fried pickles
10. teaching children who are not in high school
11. Fall Out Boy (I know, shameful, but awesome)
12. Not wearing turtlenecks constantly
13. Eating and sleeping at regular intervals
14. Submitting my poetry to places for publication
15. Las Vegas
16. Roadtrips alone (Michigan)
17. College football
18. drinking wine on a more regular basis
19. not smoking, but rather occasionally enjoying a cigar
20. walking some places (courtesy of Paula and S)
21. keeping in better touch with people further away (courtesy of EC)
22. not being so dependent on my parents for everything
23. not biting my nails--ie getting rid of acryllic nails
24. red hair ( courtesy of Sylvia Plath)
25. Argentina
26. liking to travel/be on planes in general (mainly courtesy of CA)
27. weekday evenings of grabbing a drink (first credit to PMM and EC and now continued by MD)
28. letting people cook me dinner/not eating out constantly (definitely courtesy of S)
29. appreciating people more (ie Amber)
30. HPFF
31. hopefully skiing

I think this is going to be a good thing. Granted, it's expensive as hell--but, sometimes, you have to relax, I guess. Besides, I haven't spent any money on myself in quite a while. I haven't been buying, anything really, from Banana Republic. And I am putting money away for living expenses next year--so let's hope this all works out (:

Skiing?

I wish I wasn't such a chicken-shit most of the time.

Since school has started back up, I've eaten at the most delicious Italian restaurant in the city of Chicago, called Orso's. I've gone to the Evanston public library to teach 8th graders how to do research and I've spent too much time playing Guitar Hero, the only video game I have ever been good at in the history of the universe.

Since school has started back up, C and I have been talking about taking a weekend and going on vacation. We've already done Vegas and since I have time off in February and he cannot take more than a few days, we're restricted to a weekend-y kind of a thing. So, we thought Montreal. But, although the city looks engaging and we think it'll be fun--it'll be cold as hell there.

He wants to go skiing. There is a fundamental problem about this--I do not know how to ski. For most people, this would be not such a big problem. Learn. Be social. Talk to other people on the slope and fucking suck it up and do it. However, this is me we're talking about here. Which means...I will sit in the lodge, watching the slope and grade papers while he skis. While I don't have a problem paying money to do this--it's still relaxing and I am still not in Chicago fro a bit--I think he feels like it would be a waste of money. However, in my eyes, it's a waste of money for him to go to Tahoe and babysit me all day because I can't ski for shit. He'll want to do fun things and I'll be freaked out.

The other fundamental problem with this is if I do not catch on quickly, I will get frustrated and angry instead of working with him to do well. Then he will realize what a dirty quitter I am and we will in turn get frustrated with each other. I get nervous to have people watch me do things I am not good at; the only reason I started playing guitar hero is because I figured I could figure that one out. Other video games, I don't touch because I'm not good at them. I know, this is a lack of logic--you can only do something well if you practice. But, there's something strange about learning how to ski for me that puts me off. It's not that I don't want to actually ski--AR, my old family friend, has skiied since I could remember and it always looked amazing. I like being athletic and being outside...but only if I know what I'm doing. It's why I liked golf; I knew what I was doing.

But this...

I won't know. So what if i don't like it? What if I do?

And other fundamental problem, but less fundamental--I sort of do not so much have winter wear. So although this trip might only COST 600 bucks, I'd have to spend a lot more $ in winter gear. But, the nice thing would be that I would learn something. That's the best part of this relationship, we're always teaching each other things. So, maybe this is something I should learn... perhaps if we both promise not to get frustrated, it could be a very, very good trip.

In other news, it's freezing here. I spent last night at Carson's Ribs and then curled up on C's dilapidated couch. It's comfortable there, and the light shines in in a really nice way. It's comfortable around him. I forgot things at my house, consumed hash browns with S and then came out to the 'burbs to keep my mom company. My dad's on a business trip and she's mopey. I'll be using my day off on Monday to go to the doctor. Such an engaging life I live.