Babies.

Our friends J and A just had their first baby. They named him Oliver Charles which I think is a completely solid name for a baby--nice and waspy. But, as I was scanning through their pictures, I started thinking about babies in general.

I have never really thought about myself as a mother. As an only child, there's not been much of an opportunity for me to nurse little children and I never went toward the babysitting route. I think a couple of times, I babysat for a good family friend of my parents, but their kids were not wee ones. When I listen to women talk about folic acid, and holding babies' heads up while they burp etc. etc. I am astounded. I have no idea what they're talking about.

In those moments, I am completely convinced that I'm going to be totally screwed when I have, rather, IF I have, a child.

However, the other day, I was looking over at C and I thought, "It wouldn't be so bad to make a baby with you." Clearly, not right now. Not for the next 5-10 years. But, at some point, I guess it wouldn't be so bad to have a child. I guess it's not so much about wanting the child (clearly, you should want a baby before having one) but, more about feeling a certain affinity and faith in the person that you're with. All the pictures of J and A show them excited to have a family together. It's not just about having the physical baby, but it's about what's inside that baby--the fact that the two of you created that, together.

I guess what I'm saying is that basically, as intimidating as a child is...as frightening as it is to think that no matter what kind of a parent you are you're still going to mess up and that kid is still going to be dysfunctional in some way (apparently, it can't be helped)...as expensive as they are... I guess it wouldn't be so bad. At some point.

I feel like I keep needing to say at some point, because I don't want to appear baby crazy. I just mean that before, children were completely out of my realm of possibility. I don't know if I'm getting less selfish or just more aware. Maybe a little bit of both.