Tupperware Mishap...

Add it to lessons learned the hard way: just because pyrex COMES with lids does not mean those lids are oven-safe. Before placing anything in the oven, read to see if said container IS oven-safe. Otherwise, this happens:
Yes, let's just quietly establish that I'm not good at things and move on.

Upon consideration

I think I have a more realistic list.

1. A separate dining room. I've come to the conclusion that this combo idea is not for me. It annoys me and there's never enough room for a real table.

2. Den. Still necessary because of things like rockband equipment.

3. Shelving, built-in. It wont fill all the books but it'll be something, I think.

4. A nice view. This looking out at brick building shit is not for me.

5. No deck through the bedroom. It's annoying and I don't want to have to make my bed every time C and I have people over. I mean, granted, I'll probably do it anyway. But, still.

6. A big master bedroom. This 10x10 junk is also not working. There's no enough room for a big bed. I have decided this is a big no-compromise situation.

7. Deck. Need deck. Grill out <3.

8. Large closet space with SEPARATE storage. Where would the christmas stuff go?

9. Good refridgerator. I might not care about the rest of it, but the un-moveable shelves in C's refridgerator are starting to get to me.

10. Fireplace. I think it adds character. (+ the rest of my ridiculous list.)

But, I'm getting a better sense of things. I'm also understanding the economy and how frightening it is now.

ugh.

i.
The archepelgo of your freckled face
keeps my fingers entertained
as they skip from land to land.

I know you feel tiny, and cramped
in this life and space. If I could open you up,
give you more land, I would do it.

Like a rock garden, your toes dig into me
when you roll over, grunting in the night.
I think of you, with defined black edges.
In this fear, this chasm inside of you,
I would fill it with soldiers for protection.

I am only one, clay and stationery,
not ever enough.

ii.
Their voices will change, growing deeper
or more lithe. They will pet me, tell me
that my hair is long. And my ankles thin.
They will shudder forward rapidly, shocking me
at how development continues. They notice

when I wear the same scarf, or the same lipstick,
two days simultaneously. But they cannot know
in the harsh mirror morning, the lines I see
forming across my face. I have too many horizons

and they cannot see, because there are still ways
to hide and to fluff. I layer myself and for now
that is all that they need.

iii.
He cannot hear that we all grow. Painfully,
I can hear his bones changing. They grind
like teeth against each other.

Houses.

So we've begun looking at houses. Actually if it were four months from now, we've found a house that is perfect and dreamy and we're going to pine after it on Sunday. (Yes, "pining" is actually the correct word.) My dad, as he enters into his foray into real estate, suggested that CA and I begin to make lists of what we're looking for in a home. My list has proved utterly fruitless because I am doing it classic AXR-style. Stupidly.

• I want a fireplace. Not for practical heating reasons but because I want languid afternoons drinking coffee and reading in front of it. (Not to harp on the white people list but I was going to say doing the NYT crossword. However, that's definitely on the list.)
• I want places for books. So many of the spots we've looked at have NO places for books. I have an absurd amount of books and so does CA. Absurd. And it's not like we're going to stop procuring books any time soon.
• A back deck is important so that we can cook hamburgers, and be outside. It's especially important that this deck be accessible without having to go through a bedroom (as was the case in one of the places we looked at).
• I would like a large, walk-in closet. I know that sounds like it is verging on practical, but let's look at the reason why. I want it for shoes. And because CA has 10,000 FSU t-shirts that he's never going to get rid of so I might as well accept it and move on from there.
• I would like room for a big table in the kitchen or eating area. Why? Not because I cook. But because I like the idea of dinner parties. Again, absurd.
• I'd also like a separate den from living room. Once again, why? Because with CA's video game paraphenalia (please note the size and cumbersome-ness of the rockband equipment ALONE), I don't want it in my living room. I'm not judging the equipment by a long shot, I rock out to the Yeah Yeah Yeah's with the best of them. I'm just saying, there should be a place for things.
• Crown molding. Because it's dead sexy.

Please note that NOWHERE on this list do you see anything about appliances, floorplans or anything else resembling normal. CA has a similar list, although slightly more practical.

Most of the time, however, I feel like the real estate agent knows that I have no business being there. It's silly and a stupid thing to think, but most of the time, I'm worried that she knows. She knows that my list involves rockband and shoes. She knows that I'm scared that we'll pick the wrong place and it's not like an apartment. This is kinda permanent. She knows that I shouldn't be there. Even though I think I should.

Livin Is (too) Easy

Since I have been home, I have done very few things. This is the problem with a vacation. I do some work, mainly on the curriculum that I'm designing, but other than that, I do a big wad of nothing all day. It has gotten difficult to rouse myself in the morning unless there are some kind of definite plans for the day. The only motivation when I'm at CA's is to leave and get something done before he returns HOME from work. If I'm at my place, I'll be lucky to go get a cup of coffee from the pot that turns on AUTOMATICALLY. I know, pathetic.

But, there have definitely been some highlights. First of all, let me ode my coffee pot which grinds and brews and has a thermal pot so that I don't have to worry about my coffee getting burned. It is delicious and mainly, when I wake up in the morning, I have something that gets me jazzed up about my day.

Secondly, I have been reading some really excellent books. I whirl-windedly finished a book called "The Writing Class" which was a great murder mystery and spoke about everything that one really does encounter in a writing class, even though this one was an extension class and not a college one. Either way, it fit perfectly. I also have been reading a piece called "The City of Dreaming Books" whose category I cannot yet name. Either way, it's amazing. It's about a dinosaur and a quest and a city made of books and a scary man made of books and catacombs and...well, it's got illustrations but it's for adults. It's really quite good.

Thirdly, I went to see the Coldplay concert on Tuesday night with CA. Initially, I was skeptical as Coldplay is listed as one of the things that "white people like" (which would also be a book that I recently read--the online list does not include Coldplay, cheese or spirituality, all three of which made me crack up and cringe simultaneously) and I was a late-comer to the Coldplay fandom. However, the concert was honestly one of the best shows that I've seen in years. I'm still unclear how the band was able to make the United Center feel like a small auditorium or why I am so easily seduced with good music and shiny lights (come on, they had lazers! but not corny ones, good ones...if that can be explained?). Either way, it was a great show and as the website predicts, we were one of many white people there. All dressed alike. I hate when I fall into my own stereotype.

Fourthly, The Dark Knight and all it's goddamn glory. Oh my god it was amazing. It took me almost a full day to process just how much I loved the movie. I walked out of there feeling totally comfortable with having spent a beautiful Sunday afternoon watching it. Moreover, I didn't feel like I knew the actors, at all. I felt like I knew the characters. No one was playing a part; they were a part. The build-up of Ledger was fine--because he was incredible. The gadgets were sweet (and speaking of gadgets, there was the absolutely awesome-looking preview for the next James Bond movie; I'm still unclear what "Quantum of Solace" means, but I'm okay with it for now) and everything felt real and believable. And crazy. (Ie who the hell puts a cell phone inside of a person?)

Fifthly (maybe I should have done this bullet-point style) and continuing on the things that I love that that stupid list tells me people love too was Juno. I watched it with KB the other day and cried, laughed and of course, was obsessed with the soundtrack and bought it on vinyl. The movie was really well done though, and made me pine for the days of fall.

Sixthly, things I have paid for or paid too much for and am completely content with the fact that I did:

• The books mentioned above (Writing Class, Dreaming Books) were both full-price hard-covers. But completely worth it.
• Gone out to lunch 10,000 times with KB.
• I got a lovely manicure and pedicure at nailbar and although I am SURE I paid way too much for it, it's been almost a week and neither has worn off, despite doing a grossly-couple-y thing and working out together with Craig several times this week.
• Vinyl records including an original of Bob Dylan's "Time's They Are a Changin'" and the soundtrack to Juno.
• Ticket to Atlanta for the FSU/GT game. I know, I know. But, it's the weekend of CA's birthday and this is what he wants to do. I am hoping I'll get to see SMB when I'm down there, and also importantly, I'll be meeting his friends. It's been almost two years and I've not really met any of his friends from "home."
• Gambling at the bluechip in Indiana. Trashtastic.

Seventhly, and finally, I watched the Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog which was incredible. Buy it on iTunes and watch it 10,000 times. It's hilarious. As S said, they were not prepared for their success, but it's hilarious nonetheless. Think Will Ferrell's The Landlord, but on a funnier, more massive scale. Just superb. The other superb thing about that night was hanging out with S. As always, she is incredible. And has a new blog. Which is awesome.

Okay, finally, for real, as much as I sometimes (okay, pretty much every much every month that he bills over 150 hours and is there all the time) rag on CA's job, lately it has been awesome--mainly because they're courting the summers. So there's been a swank-dinner (which involved lots of red wine and me talking to people who sit on the board at St. Ignatious--the private school I'd love to teach in if I ever left Jewish education/middle school), a cubs game (which is tomorrow!) and circ di solei (I know, I can't spell) and much more. Sometimes, there are benefits to the job. (Note, picture is not from this evening but from another evening of awesome).

Bascially, I'm trying to use up the summer. Hopefully, I'll continue to do it successfully.

Vancouver Remembered

Vancouver was amazing. Exotic, no. But, peaceful, and a life-goal: most definitely.

KB and I spent most of our time wandering about. We first went to a place called Gusto for dinner and took the SeaBus, which is a wonderful way to get from North Vancouver to the other side of Vancouver without a problem.

The next day, we spent the morning walking around Grandville and Broadway streets, where there are plenty of little boutiques and tons of nice people to interact with (whose ever heard of a 17 year old store clerk offering to bring me other sizes and not being condescending about it?!) We came back and dressed for the evening which was an introduction to the conference. The man, Dr. Eagan, talked about getting students to know things in-depth. He spoke about what were the advantages of thinking about something not only breadth wise (so knowing a lot of things) but rather being possessors of knowledge in a very personal way. After that, we wandered over to the Elephant and Castle where we ate copiously.

The next morning was spent conferencing, but being rather bored by it. So many times, people talk and you just want to roll your eyes. KB and I spent the rest of the day wandering again, discovering beautiful parks and buying future Olympics nick-nacks. Come on, look how cute they are! We prepped for our session the next day.

We spent the 9th presenting and listening to other people present. The most interesting people were a man who designed a game to teach art history and a woman who talked about her curriculum on teaching "normalcy" and "difference" and "disability" through HP book 7. They were interesting, KB and I squeaked through and I was giddy about the arrival of CA. he arrived that night and we went to our hotel, which was a lovely little "apartment-style" (ie had a kitchenette) place. I loved it.

The next morning we attempted vainly to rent a car, couldn't do it and so spent the day visiting landmarks and exploring. We went to the Art Museum which had an exhibit on Linda Barry and other artpieces/cartoons/comics. CA went crazy about it because Civilizations (the Sid Meyer's creation) was featured, but it talked about the evolution of games and what they spoke to. Mainly, I was obsessed with Linda. She creates some absolutely amazing things, things that will be great for teaching and more. We also went to the aquarium which was incredibly nicely maintained. The had sea otters. CA freaked out. We had a quiet dinner in Gastown that night and discovered some amazing artwork (I love totem poles. Sue me).

The next day, we went to Granville Island in the morning which is this lovely little public market. Then we spent the rest of the day on Grouse Mountain, on the Capislano Suspension Bridge and exploring nature. For me, a person who has always loathed the outdoors, it was beautiful and a welcome change. We came back and met AB and a friend of hers who were in town for only the afternoon for a drink at Whinston Chill. It had a great atmosphere and they served my favorite vodka there. We wandered across the street for a slice of pizza, hungrily, at like 3 in the morning.

The following day we basically wandered. We shopped, hung out, ate a delicious dinner at a super-fancy Italian place and enjoyed Vancouver.

The following day, we went to Victoria. We saw the amazing Butchart Gardens and went to the city of Victoria which was elegant and delicate. The history museum there was very well done, featuring a lot of interactive exhibits. By the time we got back, there was just a little time for eating and then we grudgingly got up the next morning to leave.

Overall, Vancouver was incredibly clean, but moreover, the first place to which I've ever vacationed that said, "It's going to be great when you live here." I could have pictured myself living there, which I could not have done anywhere else we went. I came back from there feeling refreshed for once. For pictures, see here. Or better yet, check it out yourself. (:

First from Vancouver

KB and I are here in exotic Vancouver (sense the sarcasm) where it is beautiful, clean, and the conference presenters are boring! We're presenting in about an hour and although we were initially very nervous about it, the presentations we went to this afternoon thus far had promised to be really engaging. However, people literally read off of their papers. Even though there were beautiful ideas (which I will discuss soon in a longer-with-pictures entry), they got lost in a person being furrowed into their paper. KB and I have no paper to rely on, so we're talking about using humanities integration to create genuine connections and meaningful experiences. It'll be interesting. Then we're going to Stanley Park.

We've walked around the town, appreciated the mountains, and checked out the scenery. Last night, we wandered around most of the evening. Although there are Starbucks cafes on nearly every corner (sometimes on opposite ends of the street, I kid you not), there's something small-town and quaint about the place. CA arrives later tonight and we'll spend the rest of the week going to the aquarium (they have beluga whales!) and taking an airplane/land-in-the-water ride, and going on this amazing suspension bridge and maybe kayaking. It should be interesting.

Right now, we're off for more presenting!

Small Comfort

i.
The crinkling hands, veins as sinuey
as the tubes attached to arms—
these remain real. I cannot hear the voice,
anymore, but remember the way
sidewalk-cracking lips turned upward
when she whispered Tony. Do not tell me

I do not understand because memory
tastes of lemons and sweat. I remember
the gun taped to the inside drawer
of the nightstand and how those hands

couldn't have clasped the trigger.
She would have wrapped me in the veil
of her old self. Instead, she wished
that my own lips would someday
whisper your name.

ii.
As time progresses, people do not
grow healthier. Eventually, what we know
deteriorates. This is not

the right sentiment for a broken man
tasting dumplings and grease. If I could,

I would have said do not make a ghost
out of the still breathing. They are shrouds soon enough.

why can't every day be a firworks day?

CA and AXR at graduation party

I officially love/hate living alone. There's no remorse about it; in most ways, it's great because I feel productive. However, there's also no one monitoring what I am doing all day. So I can get up, putz around, and not be responsible for anything. This morning, I was initially supposed to meet KB at 10 am to do work. Because I couldn't roll myself out of bed until 930, we said we'd meet at 11. After sitting on the phone with the internet company to set up my service for 25 minutes (it's hilarious when they say to me "If you are tired of being on hold, go on-line to set up your service. Hey, geniuses, I NEED internet. I CANNOT go online), I hung up and took care of other things. But looked and saw it was almost 11 and I still hadn't showered. It took my ass until almost 1220 to get to lunch and begin talking.

Now, it's almost 6, and KB and I have established nothing for what we're going to do in Vancouver. Nervous! We'll get it together, I am sure we will. Right now, we're at TheFixx on Sheffield, which is a great coffee shot because of its free internet and delicious hummus. The no air conditioning is a bit of a negatory on the place. There's fish though, and board games. None of which I should be playing right now.

Either way, I also went to work (albeit briefly) today to pick up things for this "Understanding By Design" idea that my boss is into. It begins with fundamental questions (which works well for my entire gifted curriculum that revolves around asking questions) and figuring out how you want to assess students and working backwards from there. I don't know how I'm going to assess my kids yet though; I guess it could be in the form of a final project. I don't think the point of an enrichment class is to test them. It's for them to know themselves better. So... that's more things I need to figure out. Maybe I'll work on it during the plane ride to Vancouver. Supposedly.

I spent the weekend hanging out with C and buying my first pair of "big kid" jeans, courtesy of the gift certificates that my kids gave to me. I bought a pair of Paige jeans which were costly, but really nice looking. On Sunday, CA and I went shopping (well, he went shopping, I watched) and went to see the new Indiana Jones movie. Indy looks a bit old, and it really, really asks me to suspend my disbelief for quite some time. But, I loved it nonetheless. We also had dinner with/watched the CubsSox matchup with S and PW. It was quite the good, nacho-filled time.

I also cannot believe I forgot to mention that TM and her fiance DK came to visit me (and others) about a week ago. It was amazing to see her; and we had the best/worst incident ever at dinner one night. TM got a massive migrane, and could barely eat dinner. She kept thinking it would pass so DK and I drank and ate. With dinner almost ending, she stood up quickly and made to rush for the bathroom. In a split-second decision, she knew she couldn't make it and went to relieve her churning stomach off away (we were eating outside) of the patio. She ALMOST made it, hitting DK in the process. It's okay to have to get ill on your dude if he's a doctor-in-training, so he immediately checked on her. It was clear she hadn't been drinking, but was just not feeling well. The two take off for the bathroom and the girl next to me at the next table (who does not see me) says to her friend, "Oh my god. I have to blog about this. Word to the wise, vomiting is gross." I, rather loudly, respond, "Oh don't be a cunt." The woman did not know what to do.

Walking back to the car, we discussed that the incident, although initially mortifying, was rather funny in retrospect. It also made them feel better that my expensive french dinner while on vacation had not sat well and CA too had been the brunt of my illness. Unluckily for him, he is NOT a doctor-in-training and so was not so collected about the incident. He was still supportive but could not as DK said insist that his girlfriend was the prettiest person to ever throw up on him.

Aside from that incident (which I promised I would blog about, if nothing else, to come up in a google search when cunty-girl searches for "vomiting instances in Chicago" [footnote, I could not find her blog, despite searching]), we had a wonderful time. They met CA and I for drinks at Ping Pong (a delicious Asian fusion restaurant) and we had brunch at Clarkes. I cannot wait for her to come back when I can escort her through nerdschool (ie the U of C).

[Picture withheld to protect the innocent who did do, in fact, know that vomiting is gross]

Alright, time to start working... all I want to do though is have it be the 4th. And set off fireworks. Like I did last weekend...CA and AXR set off fireworks at cousin's graduation party