Hopes.

It is days like this that I am exceedingly glad that I am a school teacher (ugh, which does not sound sexy). Okay, momentary digression. Schoolteacher = school marm. Which invokes images like this one:However, I keep wondering if that's the idea that people have about teachers. Teachers started out as women who were simply trying to find a job until they could find a husband. They were young and prudish or old and spinster-ish. Even my grad school was 80% female. So, I keep thinking about how people think of teachers. I wonder if that's what they think. That I'm destined to become a woman like above and not going to do this as a career while still being a woman, a woman whose attractive and in love. I'd love to do a research paper on the history of teaching--I can add that to the list of things that I should do with my days off when I'm not teaching.

Instead, I come back to what I have actually been doing--a lot of watching 30 Rock (which, by the way, must be the wittiest and smartest show on television currently) and reading books. So far, I've finished the book Kafka on the Shore which has to be the most intellectual book I've read in quite some time. It's very different than the Wind-Up Bird Chronicle but so sexual, raw and also thrilling. I kept wondering how things were going to connect together. C has recommended I read the book The Meaning of Night: A Confession so I went to the bookstore the other day with ANR to pick it up.

I've been spending a lot of time with her lately; I realize how important her friendship has become to me. Not simply because we buy the same clothes and understand each other's fantasies and fears. But, mainly because she is there, she sticks through and by me. And she thinks my new iPhone is hot and not silly and superfluous. (It is both hot and superfluous. I get it, I'm NOT a lawyer, I don't need to be reached at any point. But, it makes me feel special.)

I've watched The Simpson's Movie again and loved spiderpig even more. And I've been looking at all the work I have to do and have not yet done any of it. I've also greatly been missing that guy. I received some money to travel and he said he could take some time off of work and hopefully we could go somewhere together in February. I like that security. I like that feeling. Mostly, I like his face.

I also found the gift-giving this year more guilt-filled than usual. I felt like I didn't deserve most of it--and between the earrings (I talk about them too much but cut me some slack, this is the first real relationship I've ever been in...) and the iPhone (totally, once again, unnecessary, but now I can look up inane information whenever I need it!) and the sweet doll from ANR (yup, 24 years old and still excited by a three-foot tall replica of Draco Malfoy, you want to fight about it?) I felt like I didn't deserve the things that I got. Either way, I hoped that the people with whom I am close enjoyed their gifts.

Mostly, I am excited for the New Year. NYE does not fill me with glee, but the idea of where I might be in 2008--that's the wonder. I was hoping 2007 was the year of stability, but I think it was leading up to 2008, the real time of feeling like someone's arm was around me, and that people were about to support me. Either way, I'm hoping it works out.

gifting.

The people at my school are generous. EXCEEDINGLY generous. I remember giving gifts to teachers when I was a child, but nothing to this extent. I got, amongst others:

• a massive gift certificate to both Williams-Sonoma (I'm going to buy a coffee pot when I move--right now, we've got one, but I want a fancy one. And this certificate is big enough to get me one and THEN some)
  
• a very generous visa check card
• Sephora gift certificate
• Starbucks gift certificates
• iTunes gift card
• totebags and other hand made gifts (adorable...but, it adds to this penguin thing I've got going on)
  
• penguin candies
  
• a gift certificate to design my own bag at timbuk2
• barney's gift certificate
• gorgeous scarf from a Chicago botique

There were others too...I just cant get over the generousity of this school!

Now, we're on break until January, and believe me, I am more than excited about that. I need a break.

Almost the New Year

Lately, I have been listening to the following artist on repeat: Beth Hart. Her song "Mama" is amazing. Needless to say, there's been no shortness of amazing things lately--both amazing and amazingly horrible.

One of my fantastic 8th graders wrote this completely chilling short story. He got the concept of suspense, and really knocked out a good piece. I am so excited to return it to him because he is an excellent writer. But, the rest of them all got not so great grades, which I have to attribute to either my too-harsh rubric, or something else. Maybe poor teaching. But, let's not jinx ourselves.

This weekend was Family Christmas, the first Christmas where my cousin brought a girl. The first Christmas in a few years that I've brought a boy (he-who-shall-no-longer-be-named bailed several times in the years we dated). It was filled with relaxation, presents and the moment when he looked over at me and said, "Just cuddle right here with me." Sometimes, things are right.

On Friday night, I celebrated Shabbat with my little lovelies. They are so small, and so needy, but they were so cute. I think I laughed harder at this stick-in-the-bottle game than I have at anything in months. It's like pin the tail on the donkey but...well, just say butts. It's too funny. And I felt close to them, even though it's getting more and more difficult to teach in a community in which I feel by nature excluded. But, I love them so. Who thought that would be possible?

Then there's the stealing incidents, and a million other things with which to deal on the days before break. But, in some ways, I feel good, simply knowing that I think I can't make too many wrong decisions.

Penguins?

Of course, we all return in the end. And what better way to do it than with a trip to the Oriental Institute, an impending over-night trip with 46 eleven-year olds, a fire across the street from my school completely blockading traffic and a plethora of penguin paraphanelia (try saying that one five times fast)?

Things are moving quickly and soon it will be the end of my first calendar year of teaching. I cannot wait for the winter interlude; I'm exhausted. I know that much harder jobs exist in the world, but this one is quite tiring. We went to the Oriental Institute in my old stomping grounds on Wednesday, and I must say it did make me miss my old job quite a lot. I felt comfortable at the museum, like I knew what I was doing. The words just seemed to come out correctly, there. I'm swimming in papers all over my bed right now of 8th grade historical fiction/perspective taking assignments. They're doing wonderfully; I just know I need to sleep in order to get ready for the impending overnighter tomorrow in Wisconsin. The 5th graders will celebrate shabbat together, and I'll be there for it. I'm leaving early for a family event, but I'll be there to watch them, and listen to my nuggets read in Hebrew and laugh loudly.

Recently, it was Hanukkah (I finally know how to spell it!) and I received just about every penguin that I think Starbucks, Target or any other major retailer has produced this year. I love them and I love the fact that the kiddos want to draw, sketch, create and purchase them for me. That's a few of them. There's a few more absolutely HUGE ones; but, I can't put them on my desk. I embrace it; it's really cute that they paint them for me, or pick them up in random places. I think the trend will die down in the spring, but I adore them nonetheless. Some days, I think I'm doing it all wrong. But, other days, I think I'm good at this.

I'll have more to report once the Shabbaton is over, and once break begins. For now, it's a rush. It's a struggle to get up at 6 in the morning when it's dark and my apartment is cold. But, they're hilarious. And smart. And brilliant. And inflexible. And silly. And they make my day.