Still nervous.

[begun on the night of the 14th, finished the morning of the 15th]

Let's face it. Life is nicer with him in it. Decidedly more regular. Decidedly nicer. Let's just be honest about that. I like my bed better with him in it. i like my life better with him in it. Period. End of story.

I had dinner with S tonight at innjoy on division street. They had amazing drink specials and totally cheap burgers (I love eating meat again) and so we stopped there and had a talk and a drink. It was a nice transition back into the city.

I'll be heading to school tomorrow; talking about my 8th graders and getting to see my newly finished classroom. Pretty soon, I'm going to have to go to the dollar store AND the teacher's store and get a bunch of stuff for my classroom. And establish a classroom library; I'm really excited about that piece of it. There's so much to get done. I'm saying to myself, when you wake up tomorrow, there's 14 days until CA gets home. In those 14 days, there is much to be done. I am making up a little to-do checklist with my time and hoping that when I either see him on the night of the 29th or pick him up in the airport, I will be able to say "these things happened and isn't that simply the most exciting! And I've done all this stuff." Ugh. I am so scared of this transition.

But, I am saying it's like when I went to Boston. I kept writing about it, thinking about how nervous I was, blogging all the time about everything and eventually, I just had to get there, have a couple terrible nights and arrive back where I was, comfortable and normal. It just takes a long time, sometimes, to get to that place.

I'll be honest and say there are thing about which I am scared; I don't know how things are going to work once CA begins his hellish work schedule. I don't know how things are going to work once I begin my not-so-hellish work schedule. I don't understand time, and validity and so many other things. I'm still a blurter-outer. I'm still nervous most of the time. I'll be honest and say that I wish it was October and I had worked through all of this. Maybe thinking about it just makes it worse. I don't know.

My classroom is done and I'm sitting in it now, looking at how quiet and dark it is without children and thinking about what it's going to be like once they arrive. As EPS put it, they're not going to love me the first day. They're going to be luke-warm and perhaps I should be honest with them and tell them that I, too, am working on things. We'll see how this goes. We'll see how all of this goes.