Harry and DC and RC oh my...

The past weekend, I headed out to Washington DC to see SAI and BP with KF and WS. We had a wonderful time; I love it when the five of us hang out and everything goes smoothly. Last August, KF, SAI, WS and I had a great time in Michigan...and this is the first time the whole crew has been together since then. It was really fantastic, actually. We went to the Smithsonian, which has a new African Art Museum [with a stunning collection by Walt Disney, go figure?] and the Air and Space Museum and a Nationals game and more. Overall, it was incredibly fun, and I got to spend good, quality time with all my favorite ladies and gents [minus the one taking the bar in a few days].

That's the crew. The crew of smiling, happy, respectable people. People with futures and brains. This week, I am doing this Responsive Classroom deal mentioned earlier. I am enjoying the principles that RC sets forward for teachers to use, but I most definitely am NOT enjoying the questions people ask. Hell, indeed, is other people. And I am wondering to myself why I am so interested in teaching. I had other teachers say to me today, "Wow, with a Harvard masters, you're still just going to be a teacher?" They fulfill their own stereotypes. Luckily, I'm not wasting too much gas on this excursion--my parents were gracious enough to let their daughter who, if they hadn't moved her into her spanking gorgeous apartment, they would think has never left home, stay with them this week. The Cossitt School is only 10 minutes away from their house, and as the sessions start at 830 in the morning, there's no way I would want to be commuting from Wicker Park.

Finally, speaking of things I would never want to do, that's be a lawyer. What CA is going through in these final hours before the bar is so incredibly draining to me I cannot even imagine the process that one goes through to become a lawyer. I cannot wait for this to be over; there is so much I want to say to him. So many places I want this all to go. In 48 hours he'll be done. In 48 hours, I am sure he will either be drunk or sleeping. And I, hopefully, will be somewhere near him. Sigh. I cannot wait for this weekend to come. Dear Christ, it's only Monday night.

But, I finished Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. To die for. I think it made me appreciate the 6th installment much more...Although OotP is still my favorite, this book really put a lot of things into perspective. But...so many questions. I will have to ask SR very soon. I can still remember my first conversation with her about Harry Potter conspiracies, after I read something on a website; it now, I know, is not the best or most reliable website, but oh, after I revealed to her my little "obsession," she had someone to share her own with and we became a little duo of HP madness. I almost feel like she and I should return to Salonica for a slow rice pudding eating discussion...

Is it Christmas yet?

I realized I am anxious for it to be the holidays. It's about 10,000 degrees outside, and while I am enjoying the last vestages of my freedom, I cannot help but picture how nice it will be to have a Christmas tree in my new apartment [which looks amazing and I will post pictures as soon as I can...]. I started scanning a fellow teacher's blog and reading about the fall season. It made me want to open up my sweater drawer, see oranges and reds and have it be October [which, shockingly enough, is not that far way--only about 2 months...].

I think there's something familial about the holidays, and comforting. There's thinks I think about already--like, will CA come to Thanksgiving with my family this year? What do I get him for Christmas? How does "Christmas" work at a Jewish Day School?--and then I think about making cookies with EPS in my apartment, watching Christmas movies on my couch and how great it will be to be in a relationship during the holidays. I think about "family Christmas" and bringing CA there. I think about the big present exchange with AR.

I should be describing my school; I remember in high school spending time with LSB and her favored APHistory students. We'd come in during the day to do tasks for her, help move things and set up bulletin boards. Here, it still feels strange to be in this place without students; it doesn't feel like mine yet. Maybe once I have keys, it will be different. For now, my classroom is not done and I sit outside HK's every day, because I am too nervous to not be the first to arrive. I'm discovering things, slowly. Like what it means to have a "secure network," where to go to get a giant rug for the classroom and how to get reimbursed for things I'll buy for the class.

The bathrooms up here are marked for teacher or student. I feel a strange kind of control and there's not even children here yet. There's specific areas where I can go and they can't. To think that only months ago, I was in the other position. The frightening thing is that I'm not entirely sure what's changed. I don't feel any older; I still own too many pairs of jeans and not enough dress pants. I'm still not fully paying for myself--not until I get a paycheck. I'm still the youngest one here. Someday, most of these things will change.

I think about the rest of the year and the things that will have changed. I remember, last December, when Guillermo buzzed the door and I ran down to get him, how nothing would ever be like that again. For years, I have been trying to describe those moments--where the light is soft and things feel fuzzy around the edges. Perhaps it is that those moments are easier to get during the holidays. Perhaps it is that I am trying not to think so much about how I really do believe I am in love. Perhaps it is all of these things.

Or maybe it's just that I hate the heat.

Unpacking

I've started the move-in process; for some reason, this process is less fulfilling to me than the move out process. Right now, everything seems messy and frustrated, down to the boxes that can't get thrown out because we can't find the garbage area. My parents are being amazing, hoelping me move and set up utilities and clean. In these recent days, I do not know what I would have done without them. I get a little homesick for them even thinking about it, to be honest. To make things worse, I'm getting scared about teaching in the fall and wishing that I could see CA right now. I understand this is a once in a lifetime two weeks of working and I get that I'm the one who went to Argentina [click to see photos] before this...but either way, when I listen to him be frustrated, I just want to hug him. And be hugged.

But, I figure that by the 28th of July, when my graduation party is, everything will be better. That's in two weeks. From the 20-22, I'll be in DC [I think]. From the 23-27, I'll be doing this. I just am hoping that the entire two weeks will make me feel happy in my apartment and comfortable in teaching. Starting on Monday, I'll be meeting with Hillary and Deanna, my co-5th grade teachers. I'm completely at a loss for 8th grade. It'll come.

I've heard, over and over, that the first year of teaching is the hardest. The first year of anything has to be the hardest. I feel badly, at times, getting hysterical or nervous on front of CA or other people who have done life before. but, it will all unfold like it should.