Return

I have found a job; I am talking about apartments with ES in a very concrete way. I laid on the couch with CA and felt happy. Chicago, I am back.

The strange thing is, it wasn't so easy to divorce myself from Boston as I had expected it to be. I miss things, and people, there more than I anticipated. I am sure that this will dwindle in time, and especially once the people left in Boston begin to disperse. EC back to New York and JC back to Seattle. And GM to NYC as well. Last night, I sat at dinner with my parents and thought to myself, "God, I'd love to be drinking wine with Edward right now." I stopped myself because I definitely hadn't anticipated MISSING things.

The stranger thing is, the only time I don't get the missing feeling is when I am doing things that are totally, 100% fulfilling. The reasons I came back to Chicago. I'm going to be teaching 5th and 8th grade next year, and so whenever I think about that, I get thrilled. I'm going to be a teacher. For real. Then, when I am with CA or with ES or AR, I get excited. They are the people-reasons to return. It is going to be good. I am just surprised at the missing. Very surprised.

Job Unsuccess.

The job at Vernon Hills did not come through. I am beginning to grow rampantly worried and cannot be exceedingly honest about it because it might mean this degree, all my degrees, are a complete and total waste of time. That's a rather unsettling feeling. I'll figure something out, I am sure, but for now, in order to save face, I am calling the summer my exploratory summer. I'm going to go to Argentina for Guillermo's wedding, I'm going to go to Canada for that conference, and I'm going to do other fun things. Maybe do some roadtrips with C.A. Maybe go to New York to hang out. Maybe, maybe...

Something else will come through. I just don't like the idea of moving back to Chicago and not knowing what I'm doing. It's a very, ver unsafe feeling. If I do figure it out though I think things might start falling into place.